It's February 2024. Time has been a blur, speeding up over the last 6 months that I've been back home in the busy city of Singapore. IN FACT, I have been the busiest I've ever been; there were a couple of weeks last October where I legitimately shocked myself at the realization of the sheer number of things I had been juggling on my plate. But in a slow-burn of wonder, I compared myself during those weeks with the 'me' one year prior. With that amount of urgent things I had to tend to, I would've had countless anxiety attacks and 'menty-bs' if not for the quiet sense of peace I had kept secretly tucked away in my memories of April - June.

My little life and travels around Norway was healing, freeing and rejuvenating in ways I only dreamed of in 2022. But it was not merely just the place, it was more so the space and time I had carved out for myself, and the people I believe my God had planned for me to meet and learn from. Since coming back I've barely had time to sit down and pen down my thoughts, but to be honest- I think I had to have the rest of the year pan out to really internalize what I'm taking away from this season.

So, let's pick up where we left off.

June, the last month of my stay abroad, was unlike the chilly winter wonderland I experienced the first month I got there. Summer was in full swing, and boy, do the Europeans enjoy their summers! Besides having to wrap up the project I had set out to do in my 3 months in YWAM Ålesund, I got a lot of opportunities to receive and take in: teachings and talks by a visiting mission group, days to just have fun - summer party events, a staff day and a weekend camping trip to a nearby island- and a weekend long camp where all the bases of YWAM Norway gathered to have a Worker's Gathering in another town. And finally, a solo trip to Oslo for a few days before heading home.

This last leg of my journey really cemented the lessons I picked up and as I reflect, would be things to hold on to moving forward.

Cutest people in my favourite room on the base~

Firstly- the little brand video I worked on for YWAM Ålesund. Doing a 7+ min piece over 3 months is by no means a big feat but it was still a little accomplishment I got to take away from my time there. My relationship with 'productivity' is still an ongoing battle but as I've slowly realized, is it's more about accomplishing what you set out to do than the actual amount of things you got done. I'm sure I heard it in a quote somewhere, but the idea is that if you keep disappointing yourself by not showing up to accomplish what you set out to do, your body would remember and constantly feel defeated. Goals would feel less and less achievable. So, sometimes you just need to keep track of the small wins and set your sights on the minor incremental steps it would take to go towards your bigger goal. And sometimes, that bigger goal changes and that's also okay.

Hearing about the story of YWAM Ålesund through the years helped me understand the detours and convoluted paths the founders had to take, with the perspective of years on their side looking back upon what they accomplished. Usually, things only make sense in the bigger picture, and I believe that's what God is doing in everyone's lives. As they say, whatever you're going through now is a canon-event that the master author had written into your story for the wider fabric of life's narrative.

"whatever you're going through now is a canon-event."

Watch my little piece here! Made with love and lots of Svele~

Secondly- some words of wisdom from a visiting mission group. We had a couple of workshops from a missionary couple who started their own youth outreach team- Dustin and Kristine, and they reinforced some thoughts I had about productivity, the life paths we take, gifts and callings. While these ideas were rooted in a Christian perspective, I think they apply as much to a secular worldview on the above as anything.

Dustin's travelling missionary youth group from the US.

Gifts VS Talents

It may be different terminology used, but let's talk about gifts VS talents. Gifts are something that you have that is unexplainably good, while talents are a trait that can be honed and trained. In that vein, gifts are not just something you simply do well or are good at, but there's a sort of POWER that comes when you do it. It's result is an inexplicable positive effect on others - that's when you know you have a gift. Usually, it's people who will notice and tell you that you have a gift in that thing, and it may not be something that you feel you're good at or even enjoy. So one way to find out your gift is to actually ask the people around you- much like in a survey. But knowing your gift is just the first step, it leads you to understanding more about the bigger thing... your calling.

Callings VS Appointment

Your gift would play a vital role in figuring out your calling. While you may not be amazing at or enjoy your gift as of now, it will come into play as a key necessity in the role and purpose you find most fulfilling in this life (i.e, your calling). That said, callings are long-term and may not be in the role you find yourself in now. The role you have now is an Appointment. It is usually to build up your character and competence to prepare the way for you to grow into your calling. And that's what I really believe. Divine architecture or not, I think it's a good lens to have to to look at the paths of life and why we have to go through certain things that may seem unexplainable now.

'Best' is the biggest enemy of 'Good'

Ah, this one is a hard one. I think I mentioned it as a little point in my last journal - but what a strong truth it is to continue to mull over. How many times have I've not done something because of the fear of how horribly it would turn out? Uncountable. But as Dustin shared in his workshop, he had to JUST GET STARTED. Ask yourself: "What does it take to get the ball rolling?" Start at that. We would miss out on the steps of growth if we stick to perfectionism. And then trust that the time will come to take it to the next level and improve with time and experience.

Me and the majestic fjords~

The realities of nature

Thirdly, on to the fond memories of summer. We had a staff summer party at a nearby island past the fjords of YWAM Ålesund! We took a boat trip out along the majestic fjords, saw a fleet of wild whales (they looked like dolphins but where from the wale family) and had a wonderful day by the lake, jumping in the sea (not me this time!) having a barbecue and playing volleyball in the sun. That day would be one of the perfect days that live on in my mind- the quiet lapping of the lake and distant laughter, and sounds of my friends playing in the water and at the makeshift volleyball court echoing through the valley of the fjord. Crisp air with the faint smell of flowers with a taste of grilled meat and veggies, warm sun but with a distinctly cool Norwegian breeze.

Roadside wildflowers in Norway in the summer.

I think we forget the impact of nature and scenery on our human bodies- being back in a city like Singapore- like there's nothing that quite compares to that. I feel like as much as travelling is a privilege, is so important to do because it literally widens your view of the world. Like, a landscape like that would only exist in wallpapers in my mind, have I not lived in it. The same thought would follow my experience the following few days as a group of 4 girls including myself went to a camping trip on Runde Island... in which featured the highlight of my 3 months there.

I SAW PUFFINS!!! The elusive, toy-like birds I only remotely knew from the book publisher- would appear right before my eyes. How blessed I am, just thinking about it. This whole camping trip was a breathtaking miracle on it's own- so much so I thought I'd write about it in a separate post. You can read all about my marvelous weekend trip soon, I promise.

Puffins! One of the cutest, most magical birds I've ever seen in the wild~

I think the lesson about nature and being in it is, you get a small sensing of your place in the world. Of how vast everything is, and how absolutely tiny and insignificant you can be in the wider scheme of the Earth's majesty. From jumping into frigid Norwegian waters in 7 degree weather, to rock-climbing an actual mountain rock wall or scaling a nearby mountain with a radio tower (the Gamlesveten), to seeing thousands of wild birds finding one another, and flocking to roost. All these experiences nudge me a little closer to an actual understanding of:

1. How easily one could die

2. How I could simply be lost and never found just by how huge everything is, and

3. How major cycles of life go on regardless of me.

Faced with the raw reality of nature, this simultaneously humbles yet amazes you, and makes you realize how dumb your problems may be: I am but a clump of cells, I could die any moment, who cares about that deadline? I kid- but truly, when we think of insurmountable problems in our personal life- I say, well, the world keeps spinning. That too shall pass. One could go down the hole of, "Everything is meaningless, then". But actually no, the beauty comes when there is a purpose-driven perspective to all this. The problems are still there, but the weight of them is lifted by understanding of their size in comparison to everything else.

BACK TO REALITY The last days of my time at YWAM Norway ended off with a wonderful high. It was the organization's annual Worker's gathering at town near Oslo called Grimerud. The base at Grimerud was situated on what used to be a farm- so there was lots and lots of space and the whole campus was pretty spread out and spacious. It was amazing to see people from so many nations, cultures and ethnicities come together, all part of YWAM Norway. I met another 2 Asians, a Taiwanese and a Malaysian- You can't imagine the joy hearing a somewhat Singlish accent after 3 months of not hearing/speaking that! I even managed to give the Malaysian girl an unopened bottle of Kaya and she was so happy, haha.

Pictured: An Asian face among the westerners! The lady from Taiwan that I met~

We talked about how we ended up here in a lesser known town in Norway, and everyone's life stories just amaze me all the time. Being in an international community will bring the world to you: stories of their culture, background, experiences, different places, things and movements, as well as how God has led them through various paths of life, you get a whiff of the bigger fabric of what the meta narrative is right now and what Life might have in store for yourself. If you ever feel bored or uninspired about life- forreal, go live and interact in an international community of missionaries.

Their philosophy to life is just, different. When your north star is not money, success, or even just a good life for yourself, that's when things start to get interesting. For lack of a better phrase, they 'put their money where their mouth is', i.e, they really showcase what they believe in. Not just with money but with their lives: their actions, desires, character. Well, because there's many other things they could do instead of choosing a life that's unrooted, financially unstable and usually in a land that's not their own, uncomfortable.

One point I remember that stood out to me was: "Hold your palms loosely", I.e: hold the things you have and want loosely, be generous, and let things flow out from you. And when that happens, your palms will be open even more so to receive. And the main takeaway I had from being at this gathering and around these people is, "Wow, what a rich life." These are people truly building something immaterial: legacies on earth and in heaven.

The YWAM Ålesund Family

Back to Babylon

After saying much bittersweet goodbyes and being prayed on from all those at YWAM Ålesund, teary-eyed, I finally left Grimerud, huge luggage in tow. I took a 1-hour plus train to Oslo, and as I looked out of the window and saw the scenery gradually turn from the countryside into concrete buildings of the big metropolitan city, I almost felt like it was a metaphor for leaving the company of a like-minded Godly family to the wilderness of secular society. Okay, I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it was very apparent to me the moment I stepped into the city of big billboards and rushing traffic that the quiet peace of the last 3 months would not be outwardly available any more.

In fact, the first thing I saw when I got to my Airbnb in Oslo was this:

Framed 'Attitudes of Wealth' that seems to have seen better days, TBH.

A strange manifesto of "Attitudes of wealth" just harmlessly sitting on the windowsill. Take from it what you will, but this left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. "I create the exact amount of my financial success" feels like toxic meritocracy, not factoring in privilege, blessings and generational wealth. It makes people label poor people or those who are financially struggling as 'lazy'. Whatever it was, it was a clear sign to me that I was back among a multitude of people striving for very different things.

The few days in Oslo made me really remember my joy of travelling alone. I knew I enjoyed my own company (NGL I think I'm becoming a little too content being alone that I'm literally turning into an introvert) but I think travelling around yourself actually makes you a more keen observer of the world around you. Simply because you don't have a friend who's constantly engaging your attention, you start to quietly observe other people in their worlds... but then also your own inner world. I feel like when I'm left to my own devices, that's when I really start to understand myself. What do you when no one's watching? What I wanted to do on a whim, what I felt is an acceptable risk to take, what my own pace of daily life is. The freedom of just going anywhere for however long you want.

My favourite shot one night that I was just walking around the city alone and observing humans around me~

Also, the joy of meeting strangers and making new friends! What an unexpectedly fun day I ended up spending with this guy I met from Oman. We ended up talking about cultures, religion and our lives. And I actually learnt more about Singapore because I didn't know Singapore and Oman had a history of trading relationship! The few days of being in Oslo slowly eased me back into the big city life. I felt like I could see myself living in a city like that actually, it was a bit like Singapore, with a good mix of city, nature and quiet suburban areas. Maybe sometime in the future...?

A new friend from Oman~ Which I didn't know was a whole country before meeting him... oops.

The last song we sang as a gathering before I left the Worker's Gathering was one of my favourite ever: 'The Blessing'. The lines of which were echoing in my head as I left and as I headed back to Singapore, bittersweet but courage steeled. This is the promise I'll be walking on for the rest of this new year in 2024- and for you, if you've made it this far, thank you, and I pray the same for you too.

May His favor be upon you

And a thousand generations

And your family and your children

And their children, and their children

May His presence go before you

And behind you, and beside you

All around you, and within you

He is with you, he is with you

In the morning, in the evening

In your coming, and your going

In your weeping, and rejoicing

He is for you, he is for you

Love, Matilda